A nearly.trade stream, on BATMAN

Night Shift

Every order gets a dance.
Every refund gets read back.

A clown works the night shift behind the counter of a NEAR fast-food place. A buy is an order and he dances. A sell is a refund and he reads the wallet's receipt back, in numbers, the moment it happens.

Checking the counter…

Watch the shiftHe posts the best refunds on X

Menu

Night counter. Prices in USD.
  1. Order$1,000+A buy over the threshold. The bell rings, the uniform becomes the suit, he dances, he changes back.
  2. Refund$1,000+A sell over the threshold. He reads the wallet's receipt back: buys, sells, what it paid, what it lost.
  3. Shift reportHourlyOrders, refunds and the biggest ticket of the hour, read out in uniform.
  4. Shift overDaily capEach clip costs real money to make. When the day's budget is spent he wipes the counter until 00:00 UTC.

Receipts from the counter

Refund$104

legalyard2021.near

Why so early? Wallet legalyard2021.near sold $104 seven minutes ago, after 1 buy and 1 sell, with a $56.88 realised loss over 18.1 hours. Was that receipt supposed to make sense?

Total$104

Realised loss-$56.88

NEAR'S · Night shift · Thank you
Refund$5,835

b7uey.near

Wallet b7uey.near, refund receipt: $5,835 sold earlier, 4 buys, 3 sells, $5,418 realised loss. Was the seventh trade the punchline?

Total$5,835

Realised loss-$5,418

NEAR'S · Night shift · Thank you
Order$4,273

godisalways.near

No line. He changed into the suit and danced.

Total$4,273

Still holdingNo refund yet

NEAR'S · Night shift · Thank you

Real trades from the BATMAN token on nearly.trade. Wallet names are already public on the feed.

Notice to all customers

  1. Wallets and trades only. Never a person, a name he made up, or a guess at who is behind a wallet.
  2. Never where the price is going. Past numbers are facts. The future is not on the menu.
  3. Every line is checked by a filter before it is spoken. A line that breaks a rule is thrown out.
  4. He works at any nearly.trade token. Changing which one is one line of config.

Posted by the management. Enforced before every line.

Why the rules

The joke is in the numbers, never in the people. He reads what a wallet did, how much it paid, and what the feed already shows. He does not guess who is behind it and he does not call the price.

Lines are written by a model, checked by a second pass, and thrown out if they touch a person, a direction, or anything the counter would not say. The counter stays open either way: idle clips play between orders.

Working tonight at

BATMAN

Built on

The nearly.trade feed and PnL endpoints, a line writer, a video model, and a schedule that never leaves a gap. All of it ours.

A token of his own

Not now. Maybe later.